I am renting a twin house right now. My neighbors that have the other half of the twin are cock-gobbling fuckasses. I hate them. One is an old man. I'm not sure how old he is, but if I had to guess, I'd say he's a million billion years old. He is practically deaf, he can barely walk, and he parks his car like an asshole (more on that later). When it's warm out, he sits on his porch all fucking day long, watching the world go by. My fiancee has had the same conversation with him about 15 times the first week we lived there because he can't remember anything.
A few days after we moved into the place, I got a call from the landlady. She raised some ruckus about how we're smokers and she doesn't rent to smokers and we shouldn't smoke in the house and shit. She said a neighbor called her to basically rat us out. It was probably the old fuckhead. I hope he gets raped by a horse. Who fucking does that?
About 3 months after we moved in, asshole old guy's 40-something dickhead son moved in. He doesn't talk to anyone. He's a dick. Ever since he moved in, the TV next door has been blasting all night long and every morning. That doesn't bother me much, but I have to hear the woman complain about it every day, which is as great a time as you can imagine. Fun stuff. I don't know if it's the deaf old man or his idiot spawn blasting the TV, and I don't care. I've knocked on their door a few times and they never answer, probably because their TV is so fucking loud they can't hear me knocking. I've left angry notes on their door. However, I'm pretty sure they're both illiterate, so next time I'm planning on just shitting on a piece of paper and slapping it on their door.
In retaliation, I face my speakers against the shared wall and blast obnoxious music (like death metal and Aphex Twin and Bon fucking Jovi). They probably can't hear it.
Sometimes there's a big fat lady that visits them. She's a cunt. She is always giving us dirty looks for some reason. This doesn't bother me because we are not poor white trash and she's always in a mumu.
The old man parks like an asshole (told you I'd get back to this). He will purposely take up two spots on our already crowded street, I'm assuming just so he has room to pull in and out. He does it all the time. There is no bigger dickhead move I can think of. Parking on my street is at a goddamned premium and this asshole will always ALWAYS take up two spots. If someone parked either in front of or behind him and leaves, he will waddle his crippled fuckass out of his house and move his baby blue SUV a little bit so he's taking up both spots. Then he goes inside. Fucking piece of shit old man motherfucker DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.
We just bought a house and we're moving in a couple months so we won't have to deal with them anymore. However, we bought a twin, and the guy next door is another fucking old guy so it'll probably be the same shit all fucking over again.
I hate my asshole neighbors.
3 comments:
you are a fucking gay ass mother fucking cock sucking moron!
I hate my neighbors upstairs. I'm going to go up there and nail their furniture to the floor. They move it every 5 minutes. They never use it for sitting. They stomp back and forth all day with their stupid 5 year old kid. They drop shit all over the place like bowling balls. You have to wonder WTF! If you feel the house shaking, you have to know your neighbors are probably sick of it. But they are oblivious. Thanks for listening/reading.
Greg, this is your neighbor....FU
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